Little bird

I write a poem. It is about a lonely bird.

Dried leaves
I’m a little bird
I fly alone, no one flies with me
Even one
When I look at you and your friends
You blow with the wind,
Like dancing
Look at you, full of joy
Not like me

Dear! Little bird,
I’m dried leaf and friends.
You thought we are dancing,
Look at me
I blow with the wind
Without wind,
I couldn’t go so far
Use your wings
Even alone,
You can fly.

I think of myself. When I feel lonely. I look at other people, which have many friends. They stay together. Sometimes I think that I have a lot of friends, but I still feel lonely. I understand what the phrase “Lonely in the crowd” means. Maybe, I don’t know how to express my feeling. I have few friends that I can talk to, but I do not stay with them all the time I want. Sometimes when I need them and they do not stay around, I feel like I cannot fly by myself. I feel a little bit envy other people, when they stay together and look like so happy. In the other hand, they might not feel that happy. How can I know that they are really happy? I should learn to fly by myself. I have to live my life alone anyway. This is my life. I have to deal with anything, which happen in my life. Now I realize that I can fly, and I can do it so well. I have some plan for myself. The future is not so far. It is just beneath our nose. We breathe it in every minute, but we hardly feel it. Now I try to do my best by myself. There are a lot of hard times in my life but I can get through it every time. I do not have to worry about problem in my life anymore. I might feel bad sometimes but I can make it. I have so many good friends in my life. They make me happy. They have their wings to fly by themselves as I. I wish that I could fly beside them all.

Tried Ant

I was the head of drama club of Silpakorn University. I think it has to have got a lot of responsibility to deal with the activities in the club. There are so many times that I have to do everything by myself. Sometimes I feel that it is too hard for me.
How could I be the head of the club? When we first discuss of member of the board, I said to my friends that, “I can do everything you want, just put my name in one position which no one want to do.” When I came back, I found that they put my name in the head position. I understood that everyone did not want to hold all of the work. It was too hard to manage everything, and it was true.
One project that I needed to share works to the members, I asked them about help. Everyone kept silent. I felt so bad. It seemed like I tried to manage everything and wanted their help to make it complete. After the silent, I went out of the table for a while. My friends stayed still. I thought they were thinking about that situation. They felt guilty.
I know that they do not want to hurt my feeling. I do not angry or complain them. We cannot take care of ourselves. There are so many works to do. Everyone has things to do, and so do I. There was some moment in my heart that I felt like a tried ant. I was an ant that worked so hard. I just wanted some place to take a rest. There was a big tree over there. I sat under the tree. The wind blowed so soft. The sound of the wind soothed me. A lot of leaves waved and greeted to me. There was nothing to worry. I had many friends here understood me.
When I went back to the table. My friends took responsibility for the project. I was glad that they took this job. I thought they needed sometime to make decision and learned to take responsibility of something else.
I learn to escape to another place, to take care of my feeling. Everybody needs some place to hide him or herself from confused world. I already have it. Some place, under the tree. I can sit and relax myself for a while. How about you? If you do not have any place, I could lend you my place.

I want to be a dragon.

Have you ever want to be a dragon? I do not think so. I saw many movie which have many image of dragon. Some are good and some are bHave ad. I remember that my first cartoon animation is "Sleeping Beauty". I think everyone have seen this before. The witch finally become a dragon. It wants to kill the prince who tries to help the princess. The dragon burns everything with the passion of fire. I do not want to be that dragon but sometime - just only sometime I want to explode my furious anger with the fire like a dragon.
The day that I want to be the dragon was the clearly sunshine day. It was no sign of darkness in my mind. I was happy with that day until I help my friend to do her work in a play production. I was a sound operator in her production, it played in Bangkok. When I offered her my help she was so glad and I just saw she did not have enough members in this production. When I worked with her it was so bad. She treated me like I am an employee in a company. No friendship, no kindness. I did not think that she would do this to me. It was not the way I like to work with. There were another two friends that go to help her and felt in the same way. She never asked us for lunch. She went to have lunch with a group of actors which she never introduced us to know. I felt like a stranger. I was depressed and wanted to burn everything in front of me as a dragon but I could not.
I think it is so hard to company with people in this society. There are so many different kinds of people which I cannot live with. I cannot get along with this kind of people. Why don’t they concern the other’s feeling? It would be nice if everybody watch and see other around them. Everyone has feeling and wants to be take care of the sensation of their mind. In the present day, people concern about themselves and cry for good words and good feeling from everyone else.
Now the situation of want to be a dragon of me is gone. My life goes round with the world. I know that I cannot ask for a kindness from everyone. I just do not want to make myself like a mean person which make other people want to be a dragon as I was. I think I want to be something else. For example, I want to be an angle who spells something good for my good friend. Maybe this world would be more lively and modest.

The Sun and the Moon and Me

When I look at the sky I see sun shine during the day and moon shine during the night. The bright of sunlight and the soft moonlight remind me something. The balance of nature Chinese philosophy “Tao” calls “Ying” and “Yang”, hot and cold.
I look at the sun and moon and realize that human is like them. I always have two different sides of thoughts or behavior. Sometimes it appears like sun shine and sometimes it has a shade of shadow to hind and show only some part like the moon.
I believe that everyone is both sun and moon. Sun shines sunlight; it has power of its own. Everyone has the driving force behind the power such as need, inspiration, dream, instinct, and else. In my opinion, this is the energy which can shines like the sun in the human part. Sometimes I like the moon. When I would like to do something that I plan or dream of but I cannot let it all out as I want. It is like the moonlight that sometimes show in a quarter. Moon shows the light in the surface. The moonlight shows in a quarter or full because the moon’s orbit around the earth. It is not different from me. There are many elements of life which could be a shade of shadow such as obstacle and problem in my life. Then I can show my ability in a quarter of all I have. In this moment I face the problem of explains my thought and idea; it shows as a small quarter of the moonlight.
I think that sometimes I have to know what time I should be like the sun. When I create a good idea, I should show that it is my idea with proud. I do not have to hide myself in the shadow or to be shy. In the other way, there are some situations that I have to share a credit to my friend. Some kinds of work or some important day, I have to let the other shine their light. For example, my friend’s birthday I prepare small surprise party for her. All I do is to make her to be the most important person in her special day. That is the time for me to be the moon.
I have to learn how to balance “Ying” and “Yang”, the sun and moon in me. All the thoughts I have as the sun, I have to deal it with the skill of using instrument and shine as full moon. The way of balance is to practice, study, and learn everything in everyday life. Then I can be full moon shine softly in the sky with the star in the same as everyone.